No

Shadows  

Shadows  

No, was the answer of the University. No, was the answer of the Universe. No. No. No. 

It's really a difficult situation for me right know. I'm lost, completely lost. I was and I am in a desperate need for a yes. A yes to life, a yes to progress, a yes to challenge, a yes to change, a yes to believe that positive thoughts and opportunities can exist, a yes to education, a yes to growing as an artist and designer. A yes, that never arrived.  

Instead, is No. No to dreams, No to believe, No to grow, No to learn, No to an education, No to change. Just No. 

I'm broken. I have fears living inside me right now, they are come back. I'm blind. I'm hurt in my deepest self. I'm an animal dying of loneliness and pain.  

I'm empty. I'm fragile. I'm a failure.  

I don't know how to reconstruct my being of all of this. I don't believe in love anymore.  

A pause...

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It's already March. It seems that time has hurry for everything. And with all the things happening around me I have to stop. 

When everything is falling down, when sacrifice is no longer productive, when I'm struggling to keep my mind and soul clear. It's time to stop.  

I need order. I need to clean myself from hate, from deception, from hunger, from the emptiness that lives inside me. In a simple way: I'm not happy.  

I need time to fix my mind. I can't have a vacation like anybody else, all I do is working working and working. The truth is that I have to, no matter how I'm feel, I can't stop working.

Instead, I've decided to stop creating. I give up. I know that, maybe isn't logic, but I have to cut the things that consume my spare time: art, design, illustration.  

Is a hard decision. But I'm okay with that. I know is a matter of some weeks or months. This doesn't mean that art is not part of my life anymore, of course I will create something. What this means is that art will not be my priority. I'll dedicate all the time to my regular job and to put things in order. 

The answer of my application for the University isn't arrived yet, and that makes me very anxious. I have to think with cold mind what's next for me.  

I will clean (because I urgently needed) the house, preparing for moving during the summer, maybe for another tiny apt. or with my mom in Mayaguez. At this time everything can happen. 

I will be give away books and clothes. Basically I want out of my life all the past and all the bad things from the present, this is quite a task.  

I will be out of social media too. No Facebook, no Instagram, no blogging (blogging maybe sometimes). I'm a fail on social media, it feels like all that I gain is more unfollows. 

Hopefully, by summer I'll be back or maybe not! But I honestly wait for the best, whatever it takes, whenever it happens. 

See you in the summer!  

🌞 

 

A bed story

Who doesn't dream of a beautiful room and the home decor to match and combine to create the perfect atmosphere?  

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Well, guess what?! During the middle of February I was "creating" some nice bedroom clothing. Specially comforters and duvets for my shop in Society 6. I know that they show them on "mockups" but the image have the feeling of what  you can expect. 

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I'm making some research of places to send my designs for printing the full package: covers, pillows cases and more. But first I have a work to do, some beautiful and powerful work. So I have to work harder than ever. It took times, and I don't have it right know. But it is ok, I'm learning to let go the time that I don't have it and the things that I can't control anymore.  

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I will take a break ( not a vacation break), just to clarify my thoughts and put some order in my life. 

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Meanwhile you always can check some of the designs on Society 6.  

Thanks for visiting!  

❤️