I painted this little paint (6" x 9") about a month or so ago. As a wish. A pact. And more than that as a reminder of a dream that, probably will never came true, a way to create something meaningful.
My time is not my time and I will not fight that anymore. I surrender that. I understand that.
Atabey of the blue moon is a little painting very close to my heart but more close to my connection with the universe and beyond. My heart is blue, deep blue, indigo blue, a very darkest blue where the day and night doesn't have limits. Where all my sorrows live and sing. My heart is a melancholic melody.
I'm not from this place, my place is far far away, a place I can't remember but I know. Some times when I wake up in the middle of the wee hours I ask to the universe: say my name...
Atabey is one my favorite symbols since childhood. For me, a goddess half human half animal, close to earth and water, a fertility goddess for all the nature. She is the path to the sacred. Atabey is the origin, the dirt, the mud, the water, the darkness in which the seeds and creatures live to grow. Life and death. The cicle. The sacred circle.
If I have to choose a figure it would be a circle. No beginning no end. And its always present in my art, design and illustrations, always.
I'm struggling with everything and I'm tired of this feeling. I made a promise of silence and I said to myself: the next twenty years from now, if alI I can do is running then I will be running my impossibles and will be my cure. Twenty years sound like a whole life and certainly it is.
It doesn't mean that I will not write or create. Art like running, is as part of me as, and also a profound neccesity. If things change, if lifes give me opportunnities, I will be more than happy, if not, is ok too. I need time to learn. I need time to heal. I need time to find my lost self, to find poetry on everything. I'm really tired of fighting for something that It will never arrive. I'm lost. Abandoned to my own lucky, at least is how I feel it from the past years.
What it means is that I will put on hold all my dreams of having and creating a space dedicated to creativity, my ideas of a cultural center, a shop, an atelier, a library dedicated to art, all that I wish for in certain moments, my workshops, exhibitions, all of that have to wait the next twenty years...
Atabey of the blue moon is a little painting with an infinite wish, she knows, she is the origin.